Adoption Can Be Hard….Don’t Stop Loving

I hesitate sharing this fresh update  BUT I think transparency about Adoption is needed at times.  We were told at the CAFO 2014 Conference in Chicago (Christian Alliance for Orphans) by Jed, the president, that when you are close to the heart of Adoption/Foster/Orphan Care there is going to be pain, chaos, and confusion because Adoption was not God’s original plan.  It is inevitable and Josh and I have been living in all 3 of those states in the past 48 hours.  At the CAFO 2015 conference we just attended we were constantly reminded to not quit loving.  Don’t quit loving when you get hurt, or burned, or burned out.  Don’t stop loving.  It sounded like such a good message sitting in those plush seats at the conference.  When the rubber hits the road, like it has in the past 2 days, everything in me wants to quit, cut people off, and get MY word in.

For the past few months we have been planning on bringing home our son in August. The birth mom is a local teenager who we have grown to love and met through a random series of events that can only be orchestrated by the Lord.  She chose life over abortion and then wanted us to be her baby’s parents.  It has been a rocky road the past few months as we have learned to love unconditionally.  It is painful and makes you feel so vulnerable.  We have grown to love this teen dearly and were so honored that God allowed us to be a part of her choosing life for her baby.  We were also honored that she wanted us to be parents to her son.  We told her she was welcome to look at other parents’ profiles and she did not have to choose us just because we were there through  her decision to not abort.  But she was adamant she wanted us.  She said to us on multiple occasions, even as she was undecided about life or abortion, “if anyone is going to raise my child, it is going to be you.”  There was a period where she considered parenting and we told her we would help with that too, but ultimately she settled on adoption and remained committed to wanting us to be the parents.  Legal papers were signed on both sides through an agency, and funds were even paid to the agency.  Everything seemed on track with the baby due in 12 weeks.  This past Saturday I received a text that she has decided to give the baby to a family friend that popped up.  Josh and I were stunned.  We didn’t see this coming nor even thought switching parents was in the cards at this point.  We knew a last minute change of mind by her to parent was always an option but we never saw this coming.  We know this teen.  We’ve come to love her, and have shared countless dinners, trips to the mall, Ikea, Target, pedicures and our hearts with her … and we have enjoyed every minute of it.

I have still yet to respond to her text.  I don’t know what to say.  I don’t even know how I feel.  Josh feels the same way but he is just a much cooler person than I am and handles things in stride. There is a sense of embarrassment.  We have raised money from garage sales, friends and friends of friends have given toward this adoption, we were settling on a name.  I know I feel angry.  We did not set out to adopt another baby so soon after bringing home our baby girl in November, but the Lord orchestrated so many details that seemed to just fall in our laps without our planning.  This was an unexpected adoption.  Lord why don’t you give us a break here?!?!!  Make things Easy!!!!   ….but we know that loving others, and opening our hearts towards needs is rarely “easy”.

That is when God reminded me of what we learned at CAFO.  That is also when I reflect on my life and how many times I have rejected the Lord, told Him I was His child then turned MY back on him.   I also need to remember that this teen is scared.  She is just doing what she thinks is best or will make the most people happy.  We are not sure of the final outcome of this and may not for some time, but we certainly are in limbo right now, and the limbo does not seem to be leaning our way.

All I know is Adoption is hard but God is good.  God is in control …all the time…and I’m not (thank God for that).  Please join us in prayer as we navigate this journey.  We didn’t set out on this journey seeking to adopt another child.  We saw a struggling teenager who was ready to abort and wrestling with the decision and we simply made ourselves available to love her and encourage her with a different option.  We prayed for Life…and are still Praising and Rejoicing today that God answered our prayers!  Thank you for praying!  We then simply made ourselves available to God if He wanted us to be this child’s parents.  We told this teen, and God, that we don’t know what’s best, but we are available and would be humbled and Honored to raise this child if that’s what’s meant to be  …  it then got very real, and our hearts became attached….and now this.  SO…again, we want what God wants.  We don’t want this child if he’s not supposed to be ours.  So we are praying for clarity, peace, comfort, proper processing of our emotions, wisdom to see Truth through the storm of our emotions, patience, strength, compassion, and ultimately for God to lead the way to determine what’s best for all of us.  We covet your prayers and appreciate you sharing in this journey with us.

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